so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Randomize
