I wanna bring you to show and tell
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
