there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
