i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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