My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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