So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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