then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
