On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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