I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
