you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
