I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
my liver is dry heaving
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
