She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Randomize
