apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
