god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
vagina is talking i cant
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
