Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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