The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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