Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Randomize
