I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
