Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
