Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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