office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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