Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
