i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
