I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
