i may or may not be watching the land before time
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
