It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
