No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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