Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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