Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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