And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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