We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
