Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
