it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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