Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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