What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
