she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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