hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
