Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
