ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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