boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
