Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
