Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
