I think i peed on brittanys purse
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
