Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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