I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
