are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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