Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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