i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
