This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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