Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
