I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
